Rant ahead. I apologise in advance for this but I am just shocked and appalled by people’s lack of better judgement. Also, this post will lack the comical GIFs I usually post. Bloody husband is away for uni this week and took my computer with him. Damn him.
So, yesterday I went to my nearest shopping centre and boy did I have a shit time. And I’m not even talking about the fact that my food shop for a week cost over $100. (Like why is the healthiest food the most expensive?! it’s almost as if they want me to be a fatty forever) I witnessed one of the most frustrating conversations I think I’ve ever heard.
So while I was in the parents’ room at my local shopping centre, a couple of ladies with prams came in. One was around my age and the other looked like she was probably around 40ish. The lady in her 40s was talking AT the younger Mum and absolutely berating her for something that she “wasn’t doing right.” I’m not exactly sure what they were talking about but holy shit this woman had some things to say. A lot of what she was saying was “you have to” and “you need to” or “it’s a must”. A lot of that was followed by “I do this blah blah blah”, to which the poor other Mum didn’t have much to say. She kind of stood there and took it as the other woman kept at her. It took all my energy not to turn around and either punch this woman in the teeth or tell her to shove her “needs” and “musts” where the sun don’t shine, because lady you gotta stop.
Now, I don’t have any issue with people sharing their experiences and “knowledge” but can we please stop making Mum’s feel like crap because their baby doesn’t do what your baby does? I see it all the time. I’m a part of a fair few Facebook groups for new Mum’s and there is always some Karen on there feeling the need to tell another woman how to care for her baby. Where is our sense of community? Why don’t we lift each other up rather than tearing people down because they’re just doing what they can to get by. It is so frustrating. We’re all in the same boat. We carried this kid for 9+ months and now we’re thrown into the deep end and have to try and figure out what the little gremlin wants when she’s crying at me for 40+ minutes but won’t let me touch her to see what I can do for her (yes this is what happened to me tonight. But we got there.)
I feel the need to emphasise for some people that every baby is different. Just because one thing worked for you doesn’t mean it’ll work for me. I have a heap of family and friends that have had babies around the same time as me and I know that Ruby has slept all the way through the night since about 7 weeks old but I can’t tell them what they need to do to make their babies sleep through. Mainly because I’m not actually sure what I’m doing to get her down and out for the 10+ hours but also because I don’t have the right to tell them what to do. I can only offer suggestions for what “might” work for them.
I think women tend to also forget that times change and as we find out more through modern medicine, what was suggested 10 years ago may not be what people are told to do now. My Mum is a perfect example of this. She said to me, “I feel like I can’t really help you at this point because every I was told 25 years ago has gone out the window. I’m in the same boat as you and learning as we go.” Why can’t everyone be as easy going and understanding?
I think what I’m trying to say is, give the new Mum’s in your life a break. They’re trying to figure stuff out and yes it might not be the way you would look after the baby but cut her some slack. If it works for her, leave her be. Don’t tell her what she “needs” to do, maybe be like; “yeah this worked for me, maybe see if it helps you out?”. And enough of the unsolicited advice. If a new Mum asks for your opinion on something, sure go for it. Otherwise, shaddupayaface. Also, if I end up giving you my two cents worth when you don’t want it, feel free to punch me in the face.
Just quickly. Another thing that has happened to me and I sure as shit didn’t enjoy was another Mum telling me “yeah I guess your baby is cute but mine is definitely cuter.” Like hold the goddam phone. A. You don’t say that. B. You definitely don’t say that to the mother of the baby. And C. I’ve seen a photo of her baby and she’s wrong. Like, where do you get off lady? Aren’t we meant to empower each other and say “aww cute” even if the baby isn’t cute?! Don’t try and baby shame me lady. Tell me I’m doing something wrong but don’t you dare tell me she isn’t as cute as your monkey baby.
So. Yeah. Don’t be a douchelord and bring other Mum’s down because they’re not you and they don’t do things the way you deem suitable. Cut them some slack. They’re probably working off a couple of hours sleep. Be nice.
Trying Not to Ruin My Child 